Post diagnosis struggles

Date: 2006-10-27 21:17
Subject: The bruise that comes with being punished twice
Security: Public
Mood: determined


It's bad enough that we are punished untill we are diagnosed, that we suffer the ridicule of being called anorexic or hypochondriacs, that we are belittled and told it is all in our heads, that the pain sometimes engulfs us until there is nothing else left, but the worst is that our undiagnosed time and sometimes our misdiagnoses can come back to kick our asses all over again.

I was sick for a long time, over 5 years, for three of those I was extremely sick, and pretty much ruined my undergraduate grade point average by staying in school. I stayed for one simple reason... I thought it would be the last thing I did. I was rapidly losing weight and my deteriorating health had no forseeable answer or end. I was fairly certain that I would die and I wanted that degree. I wanted to walk that stage. SO I stayed in school. I got up every morning that I could and I went to all the classes that I wasn't too busy throwing up to get to. I needed something to keep going for, to keep fighting for. Some reason to keep living, at least for one more day.

Now I am better, three years into recovery with very clean blood tests and only three different dr's that I have to still see. But... my gpa still sucks ass and I am being held to it. Even though I have spent the last three years working within medicine and gaining valuable research and medical experience. I have worked hard and proven to all those who know me that I belong here, that I am that smart, that I have what it takes and most of all that I WANT IT.

I want it so bad. I am fighting now, fighting for it all. I am fighting the institution to stop them from punishing me twice. To force them to confront the circumstance of my undergard years and my condition. I am fighting to be let in, to be given a chance and to be accepted.

I cannot quit now. That means I think it's ok to be punished again for something that was not my fault. I did the best I could and that is not a reason to limit me now. I was limited, and it was your medical system that limited me. A system I want to change and to make better. YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO PUNISH ME FOR SOMETHING YOU DID.

I will be turning in a statement of my experience and several supporting documents. I will be forcing them to be read. I am not going away. I am not giving up.

I am not tired enough yet. Close, but not yet. Sorry guys, you are not getting rid of me quite so easily.

Next meeting... Tuesday.