Freshly Gluttened

Date: 2006-03-29 14:24
Subject: Freshly Gluttened... an account
Security: Public
Freshly Gluttened

Well today is just one of those days. Today is one of those days that leaves my guts, my head and my body feeling empty. Today is just one of those days because yesterday I was gluttened.

My stomach began to turn, my face began to feel heavy and slow and my hands started to ache. My voice changed to a slower, less vibrant version of its former self and I began to feel my abdomen swell up and bulge. I slowly backed away from the food and held my hand over my mouth as I raced to the bathroom. Nausea is always my biggest, quickest, and long lasting side effect. After several long stays in the small enclosed space I like to call a bathroom, I was finally empty. Foggy head had set in indefinitely and my abdomen was the size of an 8 month pregnant woman’s.

Sleep was not going to happen. Uncomfortable intestines, aching hands and a huge gut made every possible position horrid. I wished I could get up, do something… but alas, the foggy head prevented any kind of thought required thought, and the aching in my hands ruled out typing or writing. In short, I was fucked.

I got up, moved my aching body to the couch and remained there while watching mind numbing TV until the wee hours of the morning. I eventually moved to the bed, in some foggy haze that prevents me from remembering exactly how I pried my huge looming gut off the couch in order to waddle to the bedroom.

I awoke this morning, incredibly grateful my boss had dental surgery today and that I would not be missed. Phoned in to deliver the news of my sudden tragic condition and spent a little less than what felt like a lifetime bitching about how bad my guts feel. Luckily our administrative assistant, or our SEX-u-tary as I prefer to refer to her as, is also Celiac. She understands these things.

SO now, nearly 5 hours later, at least 10 bathroom trips and the majority of a bag of the most fibrous popcorn I could bring myself to swallow, my hands are starting to loosen up, my head is clearing ever so slightly and I am feeling at least somewhat human. I am certain at this point that I from previous gluttenings and the current one at hand will need to begin another strict regime of remembering to take a Lactaid with every bit of dairy I consume.

Ahhh, the life of a celiac.

Well, good news, Dr. A Fassano, came up with a new pill… a gluten blocker if you will. It is being put to trial with 150 Celiacs and I am anxiously awaiting the results. If I could have a cruisant this year on Christmas morning I would be forever grateful.